I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just invented taco cereal.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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