Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
