I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize