I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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