Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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