i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize