i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and she was petting her beer can
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
