I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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