i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
