I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
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