I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
