just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
