Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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