Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
