getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
