I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
