Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
