He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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