between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
