That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
