i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
