Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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