You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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