oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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