You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize