We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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