can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
