I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
