just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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