when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
