also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
