Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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