Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
