no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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