At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
