we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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