you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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