Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
