Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
