You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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