Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
