he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
