And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
