The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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