my mouth tastes like poor choices
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
