I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
