and she was petting her beer can
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
