Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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