Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
