Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ugly people sure do ruin things
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
