roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
