i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
