i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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