My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
