So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
