Where is the hickey?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
false alarm, still single
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
