my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
