My first STD was from a foam party
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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