I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
