his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
