Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
