why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
