Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize