he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
