Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
