I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize