Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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