I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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