I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
