i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
