Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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