hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
