I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
